"Remember The Carwash?" "Fend The Mences!"

Does one ever wonder, "Where do all the video vixens go?" My guess, probably not. At best, you might have some fleeting memory about "gleaming the cube" to some Paula Abdul video before you discovered sex was real and people videotape it for profit. Well, guess what? One of those vixen's is making her comeback and she's as sexy as ever! She goes by Themotherchick on youtube, seeing as how she was the girl getting chicken blood splayed across her in Danzig's original video for "Mother". Here's that video as a refresher:



Not bad for a late eighties/early nineties gal. Well, according to her, there's a scene from the video that didn't make it in of Danzig speaking over her head. Turns out, it was a curse and now she's got a little something to say to one Glenn Danzig. Do yourself the best favor and watch the whole thing. Seriously.



Oh, Glenn. How could you have ruined this poor woman's life with such curses as well as forgot "The Carwash"? For Shame, Danzig.

And to prove I still love you all, the best is yet to come. Feast upon the glory. Best parts include surprise tree involvment at the 1:00 mark and the revealing of secrets at around 1:37. Your welcome.



AND... since it's almost Christmas and I love you, how about one more that really sums up everything:

Food Brokerage + Old White People Rapping =

THE SUPER BROKER SHUFFLE!!!

Now I Totally Know How to Meet a Guy!

Ladies, men really are mysterious figs, amirite? Well, in order to help out the finer sex with that age old conundrum, "How to meet dudes", I present exhibit A, courtesy of the fine folks at www.filmdrunk.com



Now, get out there and put it all to the test! I wanna hear some success stories!

"Imma Let You Finish, But..."

If you know me, you know that I have disliked and sometimes outright hated Kanye West for forever. I refuse to talk about what he did at the VMA's,because it's ridiculous and it's the VMA's, so what does it really matter, eh? However, I am glad that everyone else has hopped on the hate train. Seeing as how there is truly a silver lining in everything, at least we got some great internet lulz out of the whole thing. here's some of my faves:

John Hughes, R.I.P.

Two days ago, John Hughes passed from a sudden heart attack at the age of 59. This dude is single-handedly responsible for everything that was cool and funny in the 80's. More so than the beloved status that his high school epics receive, these movies put teens in the forefront, showing the world that young people have a voice and that that voice wants to be heard. Hughes was also responsible for some of the best work John Candy ever did. In honor of this brilliant man, here's an ode to his fine fine films. i couldn't think of a better song to go along with them than "Baba O'Riley" by The Who.



Here's to you, John. I hope you and Candy are partying it up somewhere.

A Day with Man's Best Fri...BREAKDANCE FIGHT!!!!!!!!

My number one question: I Wonder if it really is Fabian? (cue Mr. Show sketch. 3:13 mark to meet Fabian. Well, the only Fabian that matters anyways.)

That's Racist! (and catchy as fuck, amirite?)

So, apparently Nas thinks, as many people do, that Hip Hop is dead, or at least on the verge. In fact, Nas and Nick "ugh, why do you exist?" Cannon got together to give us all a peek at the dark, hopeless road that Hip Hop is on as we speak. shall we?



That's right. You just saw that. It just happened. I think the worst thing about the whole thing is that it's seriously one of the catchiest songs EVER! What Nas almost missed was this, the actual future of Hip Hop following its steady decline.

Goddamn You, Tracy Morgan....

It is my firm belief that people that don't find Tracy Morgan funny are either dead inside or obviously nazis. This clip comes from a movie called "Totally Awesome", which is probably not an accurate title for this movie. It is, however, completely correct in regards to Tracy Morgan's ad-libs. I saw this clip today thanks to www.filmdrunk.com who sums it up best "...this collection of Tracy Morgan outtakes and ad libs made me laugh so hard I had a miscarriage." Seriously, hold on to your zygotes.

You Will Remember A Time When Dinosaurs Said..."HEY!"

This is an excellent formula: Dinosaurs + Hilarity = why i love the internet more than my own parents. It just has more to offer.



I can only hope that someone goes one step further and makes "Hey Girl! Jurassic Park" with little Ryan Gosling heads photoshopped onto the dinos. oh, to dream...

OMG GREATEST KEYBOARD CAT EVAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had thought on several occasion about posting the ever-loving glory of keyboard cat, but I'm lazy by the time I got around to it, it was already all over the interwebz. If somehow you have managed to not know what I'm talking about, do yourself the best favor ever and go to www.playhimoffkeyboardcat.com and play catch up. OK, good to go? Now, behold, the greatest gift the internet will ever give you.

Dumb Fucks on Treadmills (I'm Back!)

Ahoy! I know it's been an age since I updated. Leaving behind a single lifestyle really puts a damper on internet bullshitting. Alas, here I am, back and ready to entertain. I give you: dumb fucks on treadmills. The first one is definitely the best one. Ok, maybe the last one.

God's Top Gun: Bombing the Devil in His Dick!!!!!

Not long ago my friend Chris Lurie, who has his own most excellent blog at http://christhefurylurie.blogspot.com/2009/04/top-gun-for-god.html , posted this and said i should check it out. Being the procrastinator that I am, I only just now saw this most excellent of videos. You will believe God can make you into a jet, for the sake of furthering the kingdom. MAVERICK!!!!!!

Note to Self: Never Work in a Factory Ever!!!!!

My good buddy Jay sent me this little piece of random work-place horrors. It's over the top, completely absurd, and I love every second. best bit begins at the 2:10 mark.



favorite line; "If i wouldn'ta lost my temper, i wouldn'ta lost these."

OMGWTFBBQ!!!111!!!

If you are like me and love/hate the internet in any way, this video is for you. Thanks to www.filmdrunk.com for linking to this, and to collegehumor.com for making it.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Thanks Arthur!

I bet you dollars to donuts that this weather broadcast could be played in Haiti everyday and it would be correct. I hope that Arthur is a king. This is the original clip, and much thanks to my friend Kaleb for the heads up on it.



and since the internet does everything it can to maintain "BFFF" status with me, here's some re-cuts/edits that make you say "LOL"

Arthur and Spider-man:


Arthur VS Dramatic Chipmunk:


And my favorite... Arthur Takes a Piss:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

So, my buddy Ben let me in on this fine piece of movie preview gold. I think this could give Shark Attack 3 a run for it's money. With so much good, it's hard to narrow it down to one single scene as the best, but I'm gonna have to go with "Save me!" at 1:27

Rehdogg, I Think I Love You..

So, a couple days ago i posted some music videos by my new hero, Rehdogg. Well, it seems that Rehdogg has even more to offer the world. I take it upon myself to get that message out there. For your enjoyment...

100% Nightmare Fuel

I have absolutely nothing to add to this. just watch the whole thing. fml.

Um,...

props to my brother chris lurie for posting this. we are all the better for having it be a part of our lives.



UPDATE! I just found this video for "Blackened Chinese Man". Oh Lawd!

I Just Came Rainbows... "Where The Wild Things Are" Trailer FTW!!!

HOLYFUCKINGOMGSOGODDMAMNEDAWESOMESHITWOOTEVERYTHINGELSEICANSAYBBQFWAPJAWESOME


in other words, "mama likes"