A Street Fighter Named FML...

In case you had no idea, for some awful reason, someone out there felt that what the world needed more than anything right now was ANOTHER Street Fighter movie. Rather than have anything to do with focusing on the game and its numerous characters, a la the Van Damme Street Fighter from 1994, this one is specifically "The Legend of Chun-Li", as narrated by Chun-Li with scene upon scene of "face-acting" by Chun-Li. Blarg. After seeing the film in it's entirety, i have no idea of what the fucking legend is supposed to be about. Chun-Li begins as a completely Chinese child that is gifted at piano and walking quietly. Her dad teaches her Kung Fu. Sometime in her early to mid teens, Balrog (Michael Clarke"Kingpin"Duncan) shows up and beats the shit out of Chun-Li's dad as M.Bison (Neal "Seen in Other Stuff"McDonough) makes his first appearance, which also features the first lion growl/roar/meow that you hear EVERYTIME HE SHOWS UP WITH NO FUCKING EXPLANATION. Together, they kidnap pops and Chun-Li's mom is forced to be a single parent, which apparently caused said mom to have brain cancer by the next time we see the now "possibly adult" Chun-Li(Kristen "Born in Canada" Kruek). Chun-Li has somehow over the years become half-chinese or simply no longer chinese at all. hmmm, weird. Anyways...blah,blah,blah, mysterious scrolls, spiderweb hand tattoos, slums of Thailand, Chun-Li hungers for dumplings and gang fights, and then all of sudden...welcome mother-fucking Chris "Keanu Reeve's Chud Brother" Klein. He plays Charlie Nash, a poor man's Christian Slater impersonating Jack Nicholson. Klein even goes so far as to throw in some Ryan Reynolds School of Smarmy acting here and there, to winning effect. "Nash Out" will forever live on in my head, and it makes me wish that the Don Johnson TV show "Nash Bridges" would have ended each episode with such a biting bit of dialouge. Anyways, we find out Bison wants to destroy the slums of Thailand and build nice houses in their place. Um, awesome? i mean, of course, now everyone wants to have a "slumdog" romance-capade, but seriously, this is as bad of intentions the M. Bison ever has at all anytime in the movie, except killing some dudes who owned the slums. They were impeding progress! i say that's a just kill. Fast forward through some awful training, fighting, the most un-erotic lesbian dance scene this side of Melissa Ethridge's Liberator, and we find ourselves in the midst of a movie that i have no fucking clue about what is going on. Seriously. For fans of the game, i recommend PLAYING THE FUCKING GAME. I can't believe this even made it to theaters. The only other "game"character is Vega and he is played by Taboo from Black Eyed Peas. Yes, those Black Eyed Peas. The true test will come in a few months when we get to see which is worse, this or "Dragonball". Oh, the excitement has me wet already. AVOID!!!!!!!!!